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| oh man, its been a while since I've written in xanga.
ever since i came to the city, i haven't been writing in here or my
journal. It's starting to cool down now, I'm getting used to the city.
I know the streets, well most of them, and i know alot of the hot spots
in the area... but i put up some pics for you guys... just go to this link...
hope everyone is well! ill try to keep in touch.
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| - - - Wow.... its been almost 2 months since the last time i updated. Alot has happened. College Apps are all done  . No more art with mr. chu. (mr doesnt stand for mister, it stands for monster)  haha. jk. well yep all thats done.
But I'd have to say i do miss the times in art with everyone. Being surrounded with 5 girls and being the only guy in the class for over 2 years, was... an unique experience for me. If you saw me out surrounded by 5 girls, you must have thought, "oh what a pimp!" (haha ) or "omg, i think he's gay." ( ...  ) but neither of those apply. It was just that, being with all of them for a long period of time, through art, through hanging out, through just cracking a couple jokes with each other, we all began to grow. (Sounds cheezy, i know, but bear with me) We seriously did grow together, and thats why i see all you guys as sisters. Really, i do. From hard times with parents, mr. chu, art, friends, or even with ourselves, we were all there for each other. Not only the hard times, but also the awesome memories that we have shared with one another. From me having tomatoe stuck in my teeth (haha real funny guys...  ) to surprising Glo and Yeshin on their birthdays, thinking that we all couldn't make it ( I still have those pictures btw). We really did grow close with each other.haha. I've always wanted a sister. It's wierd...Now i have 5.
**Now for some whatchamacallits...( in no particular order, but i saved the best for last.)
-Ester- SSE KEE! yes yes, i really didn't know you at all the first year, but im glad that we came to be good friends. i know i know, to be honest your probably the one that i haven't really really gotten to know really well, its something that i regret alot. I love how you laugh at my jokes when no one else laughs at them. i don't care if it's out of pity or whatever, the important thing is that it puts back a smile on my face. We still got some time left before we go our seperate ways, so hopefully I'll get to know you better as i should have the past couple years. or who knows, we might end up in the same place next year! ( i know your sighing right now... butt head  ). haha. Before i end this, i just wanted to say that your really talented in many ways, through music and through art. I'm sure your going to succeed in all that you put your mind to because i believe that whatever you put in, you get out.
-Glo- my "twin", my work buddy. haha i've known you for quite sometime but we've never really gotten this close. working with you on those saturday mornings and all the way to the dreadful evenings have been a blast! haha. It's been fun, it really has. You've been there for me when the girls have made fun of us with braces, and now your getting them off soon, and that leaves me as a loner for a while... haha. i still won't forget the time you hid behind the bush and "scared" everyone like a meechin-nyun.( haha. you thought i'd forget, right?) sorry. i had to bring it up. it's just so darn hilarious. Glo, thanks for taking care of Yeshin when i wasn't there. From waiting with her when Toshi broke down to always making her laugh with your unique way. haha. well Glo, it's been awesome! i hope you get into RISD! ill pray that you do!
-L.a- whats up. whats up. Leigh anne... oh Leigh anne. happy birthday! and yes, ill be there at your party. haha. We've had some interesting talks with each other every once in a while. and when we do, they get really deep. I always liked driving with you, we would listen to the same type of music and talk about really random wierd stuff. haha. BTW, i still haven't told your secret to anyone! Dude, remember junior year when we sat in the far corner and we just talked about, I don't know, i just remember it was fun. haha. to conclude, i just wanted to say that... i know life's hard sometimes. it is for everyone and we want things to go our way, but for that moment. just try to hang on. I know it may not apply right now, but just keep it in mind. :please:
-HeeJin-chingoo yah...haha. i remember you told me the first time you saw me, you thought i had cancer or whatever. haha. napatsuh.... but anyways! heejin! you always make me laugh! when im down or tired, i can never resist a smile from you. How do you do it? Heejin, i can talk to you about anything and everything! I'm seriously going to miss you in college! you better visit me and keep in touch! jjashik... you know you mean so much to me. I don't know if i can find anyone else like you. Your unique sense of humor always makes me laugh. love you HJ! 
-Yeshin-  hmm... i don't know where to start. i've tried and tried writing the thank yous to you and they all sound the same. Maybe words can't express what you mean to me. We started off as friends a loong time ago and then best friends and now we are a couple. haha funny how everything works. so many memories that i can list, but that would take forever. I've been writing in my journal the past few months and it's filled with good moments that i'll treasure for ever. One day ill reminisce the times we've shared and be filled with the joy that i am now. I wrote in my journal on the 8th of February 2005, "So many good things have been happening. I think I'm being spoiled and taking advantages of this feeling of happiness. I need some bad things to happen" No bad things have been happening, it seems impossible for it to happen when im with you. Why is that? The moment i wake up, i wake up smiling, knowing that someone in this world is loving me back, and thats you. Who would have known that this feeling would last like this. to conclude, i just want you to know that my love is true.
**to all of yall, i love each and everyone of you guys. really. all of yall have looked after me in some way that has changed me into the person i am now, and i thank all of yall for that. know that i'll pray for you guys when ever i do pray. ( i need to pray more often)
** see yall soon
-doug | | |
| Love, a sweet word. However, it is not without complications. Some people look for it their whole life, whereas other people are so afraid of it, that they try to quell its appearance with arguments like "I don’t have time to love!", "What’s love? only a waste of time!!" or "i dont need that!".
It is better to live, the meaning of "falling in love". However, why not for one time to try to understand, what are the possible psychological components of love? I know, "love" is ardour, is passion, is heat, on the other hand the analysis of "love" is maybe boring and is cold. Despite this fact, I believe that to understand better, what happens in ourselves when we live this magic moment is a good way to be more conscious about our psychic reality and in the end about ourselves.
Love is... No no, the question is terrible and a good answer is impossible. Science can not really define this concept. Why? Because love is an emotion, or better a complex configuration of emotions, like affection, sympathy, attachment, kind-heartedness, gentleness, mildness, amiability, passion, longing, ardour, but also hate, embarrassment, confusion, jealousy, fear etc.
Too complicated? This is nothing. Love is also reflection. Typical thoughts are "I love her, but...", "where is she now?", "Who is she in this moment with?", "I think, she should be more...", "I don’t know, if she loves me still", "she could abandon me...", "She is the most good-looking/beautiful woman in the world", "What did I do wrong?", "She doesn’t understand me..." etc. Love arouses so much questions, that an encyclopaedia would not be enough to contain them all.
And love is also a physical reaction such as the raising of the heartbeats, or the trembling of the hands, or the production of adrenaline in the blood. And of course love is also all chemical substances, which are produced in the brain and are indispensable for our emotional life.
Is it enough? I am afraid, it is not all. Yes, because love is also behaviour, strategy to conquer somebody and ability to keep a relationship. And we know that there are different possibilities to conquer somebody. We can phone, we can buy presents like flowers and chocolates, or write a song. We can speak directly with the subject of our love, but we can also avoid all contacts with her, perhaps because we are too shy to show our feelings. We can be kind, nice, amiable, affable, but also cold, reserved, suspicious. Moral: in love it is possible to see almost all behaviour, all emotions, all physical reactions and all thoughts. For this reason there are people, who have great difficulty in understanding, what love is.
With such a complex concept, where such different, and conflicting aspects of our lives can occur simultaneously, it is not possible to give a nice and clear definition.
Is it necessary? I do not think so, because love is something, which has a meaning only for people, who have already experienced it. For these people a definition is unnecessary, because they already know what I’m speaking about. And for the other people, who have never loved in their life, it is not enough to explain, what "falling in love" means. The words are insufficient and inadequate.
*i used to think love was overrated until i met you.
-doug | | |
| - - - - - - - so... this was my xanga. well i was looking through some past entries of mine, and this is my fav. anyways, i guess im back in the xanga dimension again. :)
*Wednesday, February 04, 2004
i was thinking about you today...
about how i dont remember those specific things that im supposed to know (like your dog's name... haha i forget). about how ive known you for over 5 years or so and weve only had a phone conversation once or twice in our lives. about how i still havent given you your 2002's christmas present yet (its still dusting up in my closet), about how when i first asked for your phone number you dissed me by saying "9-1-1" , about how you always used to laugh at my "concentration" face  , about how we used to make fun of each others paintings in art class all the time, about how you nearly kicked me in the balls that one time you tricked me for giving me a "cookie", about how you sent me that surprise email when i was down, about how we always used to laugh about wierd stuff, about how we thought about writing that book that I'd write one sentence and you'd write one sentence, about how we debated on which of our tangerines (or was it CLEMENTINES? )were sweeter and id always say yours was sour even though it was sweet , about how i made that paper masche' family and i used the kids hand as the moms boob , about how you have feet-phobia and i touch you with my feet , about how when you think of something, i thought of that too! or vice versa, about how we argued about the word "brush" very very seriously, about how i never met you up at lollicup bc im stupid with directions, about how you taught me that yoga stress relieving thing when i was really down, about how you thought of me as your brother, about how you've never told me about your problems when ive told you tons, about how i screwed up so bad that it hurt you, about how you were always there, even when you pretended to hate me, about how you still cared for me, about how many times i can say sorry and it still wont change the fact, about how i thought youd never forgive me, about how the first time you hugged me, about how i placed the friendship anklet on your mittens and seeing that surprised smile on your face, about how you brought humor and light into my life and i never really thanked you for it, about where i would be or who i would be without you.
God sent you as my guardian angel and best friend.
Thank You.
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well, u see.. i thought about you today too...
about that one breakfast at ihop. about how hard it was for me to tell you that big mistake i went through. about seeing your elbow leaned on the door of your car as you drive! about harry's. about how you asked me "what [my] dream was" about that one time at minyards looking at cards and laughing at the kinds of orange juices and walking on the colored tiles only. about having fun with a urban outfitters magazine and playing a game with it in the car. about those wierd pauses that we have. about the orange juice i never drank. about the first time i cried infront of you. and the second time. about the kiwi peach pearl you brought me back about staring at you while drawing landscape and watching you sharpen pencil after pencil about how i always fold down ur mirrors on Toshi  about how you always forget to UNFOLD the mirrors back and drive like a maniac about how you never gave me a copy of our first sticker pics about how you in a creative way bought me my first motorcycle. about how awesome my birthday was about watching Man on Fire, " you have a c4 up your ass" about how i made ur aim ICON and I DONT GET CREDIT FOR IT! about how i make better galbi ssams than you! :proud: about how you LAUGHED during that serious talk! about how lucky i am about how i am so foolish at times about our senior year...and what college is gonna be like with you or without you. but hopefully with you. about how i rarely say thanks, so.... THANKS
-doug | | |
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